Running

Earlier this spring I thought I would try running.  Well, actually, last fall I ran about 5 times when I was feeling desperate enough to need any sort of exercise, and running was the only option.  This spring, for reasons unknown now, I felt inspired to enter a running race with Ann-Marie.  We had plenty of time to train (five days or so) and it was a distance I thought I could complete (in some time frame...).

In the week leading up to it Ann-Marie would claim that "I haven't trained so I probably won't do very well, and I hope I can just keep up with you"**.

Ann-Marie's concept of not training is going for 1 hour runs at lunch five days a week.  My idea of not training is, well, not doing anything related to the activity I'm preparing for.  However, we went for one or two runs together and I felt pretty good.  In fact I started to believe that, shucks, maybe I can keep up with her and imagine if I beat her!  Wouldn't that be something?  I kept this delusion up for quite a few days!

So race day arrived and I had set some goals for myself:
1) finish the distance (25km trail run)
2) run as much as I possibly could
3) finish with dignity

I was feeling great on the day of the race!  I had no expectations (except that I might beat Ann-Marie!), and was just out to finish (and kick my wife's ass!).  Off we go, trotting along with a bunch of other better prepared masochists.
About 2km into it I still felt great, passing all sorts of people, jogging along at a reasonable pace, great!
At around 3km we started into some pretty decent elevation gain, still feeling pretty good I kept prancing along, maybe walking here and there, Ann-Marie still running.  But hey, I can walk the steepest bits and still keep up.
3.25km...Hmm, can't seem to catch up to Ann-Marie and she's running all the steep bits....
4km there she goes!
5km, okay, now I'm feeling tired.  Jesus, really, 5km?  20k to go?  Okay, it's okay I can do it just easy does it...
12km feeling alright!  Kind of downhill now.  Still, where the hell is the aid station?
18km I feel awful, this sucks, I'm never going to finish, my legs feel like they're filled with lead and I'm practically crawling on my hands and knees on the descents.  Why did I enter this??

Make.  This.  END.

20km flat bit, I can run and feel alright, drifting along listening to the ringing in my ears and starting to hallucinate.  The odd cramping hamstring makes me look like Terry Fox once in awhile, but I'm almost there!
23km some grandmotherly racers doing the 10k have found a rattlesnake.  For not-so-brief a moment I consider trying to catch it in the hopes that it will bite me and I can quit.

"oh yeah, well I was bitten by a rattlesnake and had to pull out, yeah I'm pretty disappointed, but hey, better luck next time eh!".

The next 2km are pure hell, and I'm cursing the race organizers and Ann-Marie for letting me sign myself up for this.  Other racers, mostly 14 year old girls, are floating past me like ghosts.  Maybe they are, I'm definitely hallucinating now.

Finally, I can hear the finish line and I pick up the pace a little, stand a little taller and try to regain my dignity.  Unfortunately, this pretty much depletes any energy I have left, and 50' from the finish, with people cheering and clapping and shouting my name, both calves cramp up simultaneously.  I end the race unable to lift my toes out of the gravel, and unable to lift my knees high enough to prevent my feet from scraping the ground.  Kicking gravel along ahead of me I stagger across the finish line.  It doesn't matter though, all I can see are stars and all I can hear is the ringing in my ears.  And I'm done!

God I was so happy to lie down on the ground!!  Ann-Marie gave me a big hug and led me to a cool soft patch to lie down on.  So in the end I didn't beat Ann-Marie, in fact I think she beat me by 25 minutes.  It gave me a whole new respect for how dang fast she really is!  But unbelievably I was second in my age class!  I won't mention how far ahead 1st was... but second, not so bad off the couch.  Ann-Marie was the second woman, and probably top five or so, so yeah, not so well....

Afterwards, I got in the car, drove to the airport, got on a plane, traveled for 8 hours.  Then the next day I spent 9 hours in a helicopter, then the following day spent another 8 hours traveling.  This, as you can imagine, is not the recommended way to recover from a 25km trail race for which you were completely unprepared.  For the next week I could hardly navigate curbs, and any route I walked couldn't have any topography.  It was a full 7 days before I could touch my legs without them hurting.  Ann-Marie's legs?  Well I think she was running again a day or two after the race...


**eyes rolling so hard...