Sunday, February 7, 2010

The Worst Parent in the World

So I went down to Kelowna today to visit Grampa Allan and to get Tobin out on his bike to enjoy some snow free times. It was a good visit, but somehow, whenever I'm looking after the kids the shizzazle always hits the fan and it's chaos all day.
It didn't start out so badly. I was fairly well organized with diapers for Nick, wipes, snacks, lunch etc etc. All those things that parents take with them. Chaos level 2

Then we stopped in for a visit: diaper change, lunch, crawling baby, concrete steps, esophagus sized decorative pebbles. Chaos level 3.

Okay let's hit the bike park! Lots of awesome bike riding, swing swinging, poking sticks at things, throwing rocks at ducks etc etc. Chaos at level 1.

So on the way home we stopped at Tobin's number one stopoever: The Caboose.

Good timing, Nick has a turd in his trousers. Oh gosh*, where's the diaper bag? Okay, think fast... Quick, tip the little pancake out onto the shoulder of the road and we'll make it home on a recycled diaper. Oops, Tobin's birthday present from GA just fell out of the car. Hmm, where did that turd go? Oh here it is stuck to the gift! Where's Nick? Right, he's crawling all over the car with a poopy bum and a half installed diaper.... Chaos level 5.

Meanwhile Bear has decided to go bananas** at some strangers walking by, barking and running around in traffic... "Good heavens Bear, you scoundrel hound!***" As this is happening Tobin is calling for me from the caboose, Nick has no pants on and the gift still has a turd stuck to it like a decorative bow. That's when the middle-aged-stranger-lady gives me the look of judgement and disapproval. At that point I started to enjoy it. Chaos level 15.

* What I really said starts with an F.
** What's it like, Bear, to have an ephemeral connection between your brain and the rest of your body? Especially when 5 of the 6 brain cells you have are dedicated to the random operation of your mouth parts?
*** Language was quite a bit stronger.

Oh well, at least I got to ski this, summit of Mt Begbie. Right from the top.


The flat looking trails way down there are our 'gigantic' ski hill



A bit rambly there, but I had to get that off my chest.

4 comments:

canakiwi said...

I love it! Aren't you glad you didn't have twins somewhere along the way..that would make today's chaos a walk in the park!

Bear could have eaten Nick's little present and then puked it back up in the car further down the road...the possibilities are endless!

Only a very good, slightly mental daddy would take both kids and a dog on that sort of a trip! Sorry we weren't in the 'boose town to give you a strong drink.

Love Nana

Albinoblackbear said...

HAHAHAHAH---breathe---HAHAHAHA. Wow.

Sorry to laugh at your pain but it sounded like a scene from a Chevy Chase movie--National Lampoons Trip to Kelowna. Heh.

I like the chaos index as well.

I can't take care of a stuffed animal let alone two children, you guys are stars.

Deb said...

Great tale Ryan! I was laughing out loud. Not that I can relate or anything... chaos level 15 never happens to moms, right? heh heh.

Ryan said...

I'm almost 100% sure Bear ate the turd. He wouldn't have puked as he's so well practiced at devouring such things.
Someone asked recently: "how do you keep his coat so shiny" - simple, open the front door and pick him up at MacDonalds a few hours later.

I might have been channeling Chevy Chase.